Screen Time & Children: Understanding meltdowns and anxiety around screen time

With my first child, we didn’t really introduce a screen until around age three. 

When I did, I made some observations about his behavior while watching a show:

• He quickly became “glued” to the television, glassy eyes no blinking.

• His eyes would water (from not blinking!).

• Meltdowns were usually guaranteed to happen when it was time to turn it off.

I mentioned to these observations to a colleague - former occupational therapist, now a practicing Reflex Integration Specialist, and she blew my mind. What I described sounded like he got “stuck” in the “freeze response”… the deer in the headlights response due to “Screen Apnea”. She sent me a few articles and I sat in awe. This explained my observations perfectly. 

After I read the articles about Screen Apnea, I realized that I do this too! My breathing gets shallow, or I start holding my breath when I’m working on a screen. We know from numerous studies that shallow breathing triggers our bodies stress response (Anderson et al 2008). 

Instinctually, I knew that he needed help breaking his trance and decreasing his stress response. I started pausing the show and cuing him to blink and take some deep inhales with me. I’d move myself across the room so he would look at least twenty feet away to find me. I’d try to make him smile (silly face, smile at him, a snuggle) before pressing play again. Meltdowns drastically decreased when it was time to turn off the television after I did this. 

I also noticed that my younger son does not have this response at all. 

Which makes me think that the tendency for the intensity of the fear response has to do with the individual wiring of each child. I don’t have any scientific data for this. I have not found hard research other than the abundance of data on the effects of screen time on children with DSM (“official diagnostic manual”) diagnoses such as ADHD and/or Autistic wiring. 

Some parents with neurodivergent children wrote in and said screen time helps calm their child, which is why an individualized approach is so important. 

I also noticed that after I started doing the “breathing breaks”, my son became more open to watch new shows. 

Prior to this, he displayed what I can only describe as “screen anxiety”. I am still pursuing peer reviewed data on this, but anecdotally speaking, other self-describing “deeply feeling” individuals report having a difficult time watching new shows/movies, especially if it had any sort of suspense. @brenebrown mentions in her new book “Atlas of the Heart” about her need to read about the ending of a movie to fully be able to enjoy it. I thought I was the only one who did that!!! 

My hypothesis is those of us with a baseline of heightened anxiety, or a tendency to over empathize due to our wiring have a more difficult time with “designed” suspense. For me, it takes so much energy and consciousness to regulate through the unpredictability of life and emotions, I don’t want to do it at a faster, more intense pace for “entertainment”.

I connect my own experiences to my observations of children. 

Children already have difficulty processing “reality versus fantasy” so television characters tend to blur the line of a child’s perceived reality. Children’s shows are also *designed* to “suck children in”. In fact, gaming companies “test” how quickly children are “engaged” with a game by putting them in front of it and measuring their blood pressure. 

“If they don’t elicit the blood pressure that they shoot for - typically 180 over 120 or 140 within a few minutes of playing and if they don’t show sweating and an increase in their galvanic skin responses, they go back and tweak the game to get the maximum addicting and arousing response they’re looking for.” (Kardaras, N. (2016) Glow Kids)
Addicting and arousing response = stress response.

All that to say, our deeply feeling, easily aroused children experience very *real* emotional flooding during shows and movies. While “old favorites” may feel extra safe because they’re so predictable and comforting, new ones can be overwhelming and downright terrifying. 

For awhile, our family gave-up all together on watching new movies on family movie night. After a few months of consciously counter-acting the stress response during shows, we started introducing new “shorts” on Disney Plus. These seemed to be more manageable because they were familiar characters and only 4-8 minutes long. 

Then, we started “taking turns” picking movies.

My son had a very difficult time if we chose a new movie. For several weeks, “Family Movie Night” was more about me helping him through the meltdown (very, very obvious HOW fear driven it was) than it was about watching a movie. 

I usually wound up coloring with him in a different room with ZERO pressure to watch. I simply held the limit that another family member picked a movie that he didn’t want and he couldn’t control that person’s choice. Eventually, he would “watch” parts of the movie through a doorway that overlooks the family room. 

He watched the new Disney “Luca” movie by standing one room away. For some reason, the physical difference helped him feel safer. The other day, for the first time ever, he *requested* to watch a NEW movie, a sequel with familiar characters, but still a movie he’s never seen before! 

While I found it on the app, he and his brother built a pillow fort on the couch. They sat in their pillow fort for the duration of the movie, and ducked behind pillows when something “scary” happened. 

I also paused the movie several times and prompted blinking and breathing while standing 20 feet away. I also always buffer any screen time with outside time before and after. This system and the infrequency with which we watch television works well for our family. 

My goal in sharing this information with you is NOT to shame anyone for allowing screen time. It’s not to say that all screen time is bad. Or to “prescribe” a certain amount. 

My goal was to help explain some behaviors that many parents report to me and ones that I notice in my own home! Once we understand these behaviors, we can better think about how to support our children when they display stress responses. 

References

Anderson, D. E., McNeely, J. D., Chesney, M. A.; Windham, B. G. (2008, December). Breathing variability at rest is positively associated with 24-H blood pressure level. American Journal of Hypertension. 

Kardaras, N. (2016). Glow Kids. St. Martin’s Press. (p. 22). 

Robinson, B. (2020, Nov 14). Is Your Computer Screen Stealing Your Breath? 6 Tips To Avoid Screen Apnea.

Stone, Linda. (2010, June 6). Kids, Video Games, Posture, Breathing.

Stone, Linda. (2013, July 30). Screen Apnea.