Children’s Literature: A Discipline Tool?

Children’s books are gifts to children and parents alike. They capture children’s attention and activate their imagination. Authors, illustrators, and publishers who specialize in children’s literature do all our leg work to communicate morals, lessons, and stories to children in ways that they understand and enjoy. Because of their thoughtful design, children’s books offer an approachable and understandable medium to explain abstract concepts such as emotions, friendship, love, fairness, kindness, etc. 

Recall from February’s workshop, “time-ins” focus on connection and support during times of emotional turmoil and distress for young children. If you are looking for a great way to introduce the “time-in” concept, books with messages of love, explanations of emotions, and discussions of coping mechanisms can be a great way to do so. When we pause from our daily tasks, take time to sit and snuggle, and pair that with a book that shares a message of love, we strengthen our connection with our child. 

When our children feel loved, supported, and connected to us, they are more likely to demonstrate prosocial behavior and less likely to whine, yell, act out, and/or act aggressively. Spend some time observing your children. If you notice they’re acting especially whiney, clingy, uncooperative, pause, and offer to sit and read. Spending 10 minutes building connection and sharing a message of love may circumvent and spare you a 30 minute meltdown and even longer duration of consequences. 

COMPASSION/KINDNESS

If you feel like your child needs a reminder or lesson in empathy and “getting along” these books can help open the discussion with concrete examples. 

Fill A Bucket: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Young Children

By Carol McCloud and Katherine Martin, M.A. 

A book designed for younger children that include the same core concepts of other “bucket books” (see below). Great for teaching kindness, sharing, taking turns by taking an abstract concept (“being kind”) and illustrating it with a concrete example. 

Have You Filled a Bucket Today? By Carol McCloud

How Full is Your Bucket? By Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer

For slightly older children, they both use a concrete example to explain why kindness is important. Both are wonderful tools to explain the importance of using kind words, taking turns, being patient, being helpful, etc. 

Share and Take Turns By Cheri Meiners

I’m a big fan of Cheri Meiners’ books. She does a wonderful, playful job of explaining social concepts such as sharing. This book even helps problem solve situations such as: “What if it’s a special toy?” Meiners writes in a way that explicitly teach children different ways to share, how to problem solve, and how to have fun taking turns! 

Beautiful Oops By Barney Saltzberg

An interactive book that shows children that mistakes can be a new adventure with the write attitude. It celebrates flexible thinking when mistakes happen. 

ANGER/OTHER FEELINGS

These are books to help your child learn about emotions so they can become more comfortable with expressing themselves. Most of these books also discuss calming strategies so children can pair constructive and appropriate reactions to common emotions. Emotions are abstract concepts and can be difficult for children to understand. By reading books and providing concrete examples, emotions become more approachable and less intimidating. Children will begin to take ownership of their feelings; thereby, empowering them to communicate their feelings in a productive manner. 

When Sophie Gets Angry By Molly Bang

The words and illustrations in this book walks the audience through the anger build-up and then the calming process. The colors, font, words, work together to show the evolution of Sophie’s anger. This would be a great book to help children understand anger and recognize it in the future. 

Today I Feel Silly: and other moods that make my day By Jamie Lee Curtis

Curtis’ whimsy writing paired with expressive and detailed illustrations, discuss emotions such as confused, lonely, and silly. This book can serve as a springboard for discussion to identify emotions, relate to emotions, and talk about coping mechanisms for a wide range of emotions. 

Cool Down and Work Through Anger By Cheri Meiners

An explicit, step-by-step story that shows children different (possible) reasons one may get angry and calming strategies. 

The Way I Feel By Janan Cain

Simplistic verbiage explain emotions such as scared, excited, and angry in a very relatable way. Fun and bold illustrations help engage children as emotions are described. 

When I Feel Angry By Cornelia Maude Spelman

***Any of the other “The Way I Feel” books***

This book walks through different scenarios that may upset or anger children. Scenarios include: beach days ruined by rain, being made fun of, not succeeding in their efforts. The story also discusses common reactions to anger and better coping mechanisms. You can practice these coping mechanisms such as walking away, taking deep breaths, taking a rest, alone time, etc. These strategies can be generalized into your child’s life with your prompts and support. 

We’re Going on a Bear Hunt By Helen Oxenbury

This classic children’s book/song presents the principle that we have to go through experiences. We can’t go around them or over them, but we have to walk through obstacles and situations that scare or overwhelm us still require that we go through them. 

The Pout-Pout Fish By Deborah Diesen

The Pout-Pout Fish series takes a fun approach to sad, mopey feelings and encouraging children to work through them. 

CONNECTION-BUILDING BOOKS

These are wonderful books to read to your child for bedtime connections or on an especially whiney or “rough” day. When your child is whiney, yelling, acting out, etc these books would be a great go-to proactive “time-in” activity. When you feel the tension building and know the tipping point is inevitable, give them a few choices of books, and offer to sit and read one (or two, or three) with them. The connection time will melt away the tension, refocus you, and satisfy your child’s need for connection. 

Nancy Tilman Books: “On The Night You Were Born”, “Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find” “You’re Here For A Reason”, “I’d Know Your Anywhere, My Love”, “You and Me and the Wishing Tree”

Every one of Nancy Tilman books sends the message “you are special and loved”. These are great books for you to snuggle your child, hold them close, and read the special messages of love and connection. 

Todd Parr Books: “It’s Okay To Be Different”, “The I Love You Book”, “It’s Okay to Make Mistakes”, “The Mommy Book”, “The Daddy Book”, “The Feel Good Book”, “Be Who You Are”

Todd Parr’s simple, bright, and bold illustrations instantly grab children’s attention. His language is straightforward but jovial so that kids can easily understand the book’s message. Parr inconspicuously embeds tolerance, acceptance, and empowerment. Great books for sending the message that you are loved in different ways by different people. 

Llama, Llama, Red Pajamas By Anna Dewdney

Fun, rhyming book about a little llama that misses his mama at bed time. Dewdney’s other Llama, Llama books are great “kid issue” books that deal with anger, sharing, and fear. 

OTHER “I LOVE YOU” BOOKS:

“I Love You Through and Through” By Bernadette Rossetti

“I Prayed For You” By Thomas Nelson

“The Runaway Bunny” By Margaret Wise Brown

“God Gave Us You” By Lisa T. Bergren

“Snuggle Puppy: a little love song” By: Sandra Boynton

“I Love Your Stinky Face” By: Lisa McCourt

“Guess How Much I Love You” By: Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram

BOOKS FOR PARENTS

“Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline” By Becky Bailey

“The Whole Brain Child” By Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

“Mind In the Making” By Ellen Galinsky

“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame” By Janet Lansbury